26 August 2011

The Blues

Sorry its been so long!  I know some people are very good about updating every week.  We obviously are not.  Mostly because there's been very little going on for us to write about.  This is a post I wrote about two weeks ago now, but was too busy to type up (read: to lazy to type up).  Next up, vacation with my family.

From 28/7/11:

I know we've tried hard to keep this blog upbeat and lighthearted about how amazing Peace Corps is, but the reality this week is that sometimes it is really hard--and really boring.  Community integration is really hard even when you have a daily routine or an office, and we have neither.  I try to note at least one small success each day (today it was making a date with our vice-mayor for monday to discuss forming microemprezas, yesterday it was playing "bananagrams" with our neighbors, 5 & 7).  Some days, though, that is really the only thing I can say was accomplished, and some days it is coupled with finding out the baleada lady has a black eye and didn't work yesterday or that the people we say hi to every day kick their dogs.

Still, we are living a relaxed life, full of new experiences, great (and sometimes terrible) food, and new friends.  However, sometimes it is just hard, and lonely, and I miss feeling effective.

From Today:

I'm ashamed to admit that we've become a bit reclusive.  Our house is kind of a walk from the main town and Peace Corps won't approve our bicycle request because my form isn't signed by my counterpart (who I haven't seen in nearly a month), so we spend many days just in our house or our neighborhood.  It's too easy to become absorbed in a book or training manual, dreaming about the counterparts or projects we could have.  I've been really at a loss, since neither of my counterparts really wants to work with me.  I had that meeting with the vice-mayor, and we got funding from the municipality to run a taller for single mothers about how to start a business.  Now we are (still) waiting for the funds to be released.  I'm tempted to just front the money myself and get reimbursed, but that sets a bad precedent.  At least then I'd have something to do.  When we get together in two weeks for reconnect I'd really like to be able to say I've done something, but it sure doesn't feel like that right now.  I'm frustrated with my job and our location (I really really wanted to work with food security, and made that clear to my project team.  USAID just started a huge new FS program here called Feed the Future.  Guess where they work?  The West.  That's right, they absolutely do not give any funding in this entire half of the country.), my counterparts, and my general lack of activity, and its making me short with Jeff.  At least he has opportunities (and when he doesn't want to follow all his job leads it make me even more frustrated that I have none.  Not his fault, but my fuse is short right now).  All that coupled with the security stuff and I just don't feel like leaving my house. 

Sorry this was a down post.  Next one will be happier, I'm sure.

1 comment:

  1. No need to be sorry. Sometimes just good to get it out. Besides, I never did turn to you to indulge in glee. :P Hopefully a project that is interesting and productive will come along.